It is the 2022 Chinese New Year season. Yesterday, I saw one of my high school classmates post photos of his family on WeChat. The classmate’s father sits in the center, surrounding his children and grandchild. The classmate’s father was the best doctor in our small town, he also was my father’s best friend, and we called him Uncle Wang. He is still refreshed and in good health in the pictures. Look how happy he is smiling. But my father died 30 years ago.
I am my father’s favorite and the last one among his children. So he once told me that he would help me take care of my child after I was married and had a child, but he died before I had my daughter.
Maybe because I saw Uncle Wang’s picture, I dreamed of my father that night.
In the dream, he was hanging two young and handsome guns like the photo in my bedroom.
I said: “Daddy, today I saw Uncle Wang.”
Daddy asked: “How is he?”
I said: “He looks fine. He was with his sons and grandchildren.”
Daddy was surprised to say: “Does he have grandchildren!? He is such as young for that.”
I said: “No, Daddy, he is 86 years old. I remember you are the same age; it was you who died too young.”
I cried: “You always told us, ‘Your body is your temple. Health is the foundation of Everything.’ But you didn’t do well! ”
My father bowed his head.
I continued to say: “You always say that you love Mom, but you left her alone in the world for 30 more years. Now she has dementia; if she had your company, maybe she wouldn’t have that.”
My daddy was full of tears.
It hurts my heart to see him like that.
So I wanted to hug him, but my arms were empty.
I was so worried, I cried and called: “Daddy, Daddy…….”
“Ling! Ling! Wake up! Wake up!” Sandy shook me and woke me up.
It was a dream. But I was so sad.
I cried and told Sandy.
“How could I blame my Daddy!?”
I cried: “When his career was rising, he was stopped from work. During the Great Cultural Revolution, my parents were stopped from working and getting a salary, and even my mother was imprisoned.
My daddy tried to look for any work that he could. He did Everything he could to feed his big family, which had five children, including his old parents and grandma.
I assume that he was depressed because, until today, I still remember how he looked when he received the news about his vindication. He didn’t show any happiness. He said, like a child who made mistakes: “It was my fault for causing your siblings who didn’t have a good childhood, and your sisters and brother couldn’t go to college.”
I know why my dad died early. It was because he never had enough food and was constantly depressed for a long time. “
What could I blame him for!? Even though it was a dream. I felt terrible and sad.
Sandy hugged me, patted my back, comforted me, and said, “Everything is over. Now we have plenty of food. Our problem is not that there is no food but that we overeat every day. I know that you don’t like to waste food. But do you know you will have more health problems if you overeat?”
“I know that! Could you not buy too much and cook too much? Because I hate wasting food.” I said
“OK, I will try my best in the future.”
Looking at him, I thought I needed more from him, “Do you know exercise is also important for health?”
“Of course, I know that!” Sandy said
“So, would you promise me in the future?” I asked
He watched me on the alert
I said, “Would you leave your office and move at least once every two hours? For example, walk dogs or do a workout for a few minutes. I am scared to be alone in the world like my mom.”
Sandy said: “I promise you! I will do my best. We must accompany each other for a long time.”
“For love!”
“For love!”
We hold each other’s hands tightly.
