I am my parent’s youngest child. Like most parents, they always pay more attention to their youngest child. My father once told me: “In the future, when you have children, I will help you take care of them.” But my father passed away before I had my daughter.
Our five siblings worked in different cities, and all have been married and have children. We wanted to get together, and it was not easy, it’s been two years since we last did at our father’s funeral.
After our father passed away, we everyone invited our mother to live with us because we didn’t want her to feel alone and sad. Ultimately, she still chose to live alone but moved closer to my siblings’ homes, leaving the house where she and our father have many memories.
Qi, my third sister, moved into my parents’ old house and took care of the house.
In 1991, we siblings decided to get together at our parents’ old house for the Lunar New Year and pay respects to our father’s grave.
When I arrived, everyone was already there. We hadn’t seen each other for a long time and were so excited. We had a lot of information to exchange.
So everyone had been speaking, didn’t know to listen whose first,
Our children were between zero and ten years old. The older ones had once met each other before; they were telling about themselves news; the younger ones, for the first time, faced the many aunts, uncles, sisters, and brothers who they never knew, they only behind their parents’ backs and watched timidly; as for the youngest ones, like my daughter, kept asking their parents for food, water, or to pee.
Anyway, everybody was busy. It was very lively! Even though the weather was drizzling, gloomy, and cold outside, but in the home was warm, even hot.
When we lived there, we always felt our parents’ home was big, but now we feel it is too crowded.
After the climax of the first meeting, everyone settled down a little. Our mother said, “You should see your father now.”
We all knew that if our father were still alive and saw us, his big family, he would be pleased, so we must let him know and tell him about our life.
But the weather was still drizzling and cold. We knew if we went to our father’s grave, after leaving the car, we would have to walk through a muddy hill path for about fifteen minutes, which would be difficult for the youngest children and our older mother. So we decided not to take the kids, and my mother and Qi’s husband stayed with them at home.
We took two cars. My fourth sister, Zheng, my third sister, Qi, and I sat in the back seats, my sister-in-law sit the passenger seat, we take my husband drove the car.
The rest of the people got into the car driven by the fourth sister’s husband.
On our way, Zheng teased Qi and said: “Did our father come to see you again this year?”
Everyone in the car suppressed a laugh. No one believed in ghosts in the world, let alone as Qi said, Father often went back home to check on them.
Qi said: “I knew you won’t believe it, but it’s true. I got sick for a week just like I do every year on Dad’s birthday. And on the anniversary of his death, we heard him walking and making noise at home.”
My sister-in-law told Qi, “Out of all your sisters, your father was the most worried about you. Before he died, he told your older brother, ‘Son, you must instead me to good take care of your mother and Qi.'”
I knew why our father was more worried about Qi. After our mother and father left the army and worked in a city in Sichuan, they were so busy with their jobs that they sent Qi to live with our grandparents in remote rural areas. As a result, she didn’t get as good an education as we did. Instead, she absorbed the old superstitions of the countryside and brought them with her when she returned to our family.
Our parents always felt guilty because she didn’t have a better education than us. I assume when our father thought he couldn’t protect us anymore, he at least hoped my brother could help him to protect Qi in his stead. I also missed my father and would like to support Qi. I still wouldn’t believe that there were ghosts in the world, so I also didn’t believe that Qi said our father would return as a ghost to look after us.
So when Qi said that her son saw Grandpa at home last year, Qi said: ” Kids’ eyes are clear and pure; they can see the ghosts.” I rolled my eyes to her.
I didn’t want to hear her nonsense anymore, but I didn’t want to make her sad, so I changed the topic to ask, “Have we brought sacrificial candles and joss papers?”
Qi said: “Of course! I also prepared fruits, flowers, and more.”
We together said: “Qi, Thank you so much!”
At that moment, my husband parked the car at the foot of the hill. We exited the car, and another vehicle parked, too. Everyone got out of the car and began to climb the hill. The path up the hill was very slippery; we had to support each other and wouldn’t fall.
Then I thought: Maybe it had been deliberately arranged by God. The rain and the muddy hill road foreshadowed our future life, it would be hard sometimes, but if we siblings helped each other, everything would be OK. So I said to my father in my heart, “Dad, Do you see us? You don’t need to worry. We will help each other in the future.”
This time, I hope my father will see us how to support each other through the muddy, rugged hill path. He will be at peace in heaven.
When we arrived at our father’s grave, we put the flowers and fruits in front of his tombstone, burned the candles, and joss papers. Then, we got down on our knees, from my oldest sister to me. We keenly kowtowed three times to our father and reported to him about our work and life.
The most important thing for me was telling my father about my daughter. So I babbled and said: “Dad, I had a daughter on May fifteenth this year. She was a bigger baby, almost nine pounds when she was born. Mother named her Rina. You once promised me that you would take care of my baby; why did you leave us so early?” I couldn’t help crying; several others also followed me and started sobbing.
My older sister said: “Why do you cry!? Dad has left us, but you still have a mother and all of us. We are your sisters and brothers; we all love you and like to help you!”
I was embarrassed and said: “I know, I just miss Dad so much!”
My fourth sister said: “We both miss him. But our life needs to continue, and we hope Dad can be peaceful in heaven.”
Then my brother said: “Dad, I always remember what you told me. I am the only boy in our family; I promise again to take good care of all my sisters. Please don’t worry!”
We walked around Dad’s grave and pulled off the weeds above it. Then we burned more joss papers and keenly kowtowed three times to Dad again.
By the time we left, it was still drizzling and gloomy. When we still held each other’s hand to go down the hill, I felt eyes watching us. I looked back up the hill at my father’s grave. The tombstone stood lonely in the rain under the leaden clouds, with no one there.
But the feeling that someone was watching us was strong; I paused a few times to look around.
After we got home, my daughter started crying, and she wouldn’t stop. Even though my sisters and brother had experience with children, they didn’t know what had happened to my daughter and had no idea what to do. That night, my daughter kept crying. She only fell asleep briefly when she was tired and then cried again as if she was frightened of something.
Qi said: “Dad must have followed us back home. He never met your daughter. He must want to see your baby.”
Of course, the rest of us didn’t think so.
The following day, we had to take my daughter to see a doctor. The doctor did all physical checks, and the baby was normal. The doctor searched the baby’s whole body careful to see if something was hurting her, like a needle. But the doctor got nothing. We couldn’t do anything. The baby was still suffering.
The doctor was powerless, I was helpless, and we all were helpless. I saw that my daughter was suffering, and my heart hurt.
That time, Qi said, “Please trust me one time. It must be because our father doesn’t like to leave the baby. Please listen to me this time.” What can we do? Nothing; we had to listen to her.
Qi bought a few incense and candles, put a table under the wall hanging our father’s picture, and offered apples, peanuts, and some pastries; she lit those candles and incense. Then Qi asked me and my husband to follow her to kneel three times; she held my daughter and said: “Father, look! Your youngest daughter’s baby is here. You have seen her, and you have also seen all your children and grandchildren. You have seen all of us, everything is well! You shouldn’t be worried. You should rest in peace.”
Our mother, who had never believed in ghosts before, said, “Old man, don’t worry! I’m fine, and the kids are OK. Please go now. We will go to see you often in the future. Don’t be scaring the baby here. “
And then Qi let me hold my daughter and sit in the car. She stood outside the car door and said: “Dad, now we will take you back. Please follow us, and don’t look around. New Year is coming soon; the streets are crowded. We don’t want to lose you.” Then she told my husband to drive the car slowly.
It was still gloomy and hadn’t stopped raining. My heart, like the cloud, was heavy and leaden.
Qi got in the car, and my husband drove it slowly, looking afraid that someone would get lost. Along the way, no one spoke. My daughter had fallen asleep in my arms, it was so quiet in the car. I felt like my eyes were watching me. My back was cold, and all the hairs on my body were standing up.
We arrived at the foot of the hill again, left the car, and walked up to Father’s grave. We lit the candle, changed the flowers and fruits, and kneeled again. My entire upper body crawled to the ground and kowtowed three times reverently. I said: “Dad, I brought my daughter to see you, and even though you missed the opportunity to take care of her, we will take good care of her, raise her, and educate her just like you did to us. So don’t worry about us. I will take her to see you often and tell her about you in the future.”
And then I held my daughter’s little hand to touch my father’s tombstone. I hoped my father could feel the warmth of the soft, small hand.
Then Qi burned more of the joss papers and said: “Father, we want to give you more money as a New Year’s present; that way, you can enjoy playing Mahjong with your neighbours. You won’t feel lonely. We have grown up. You don’t need to protect us anymore; we can care for ourselves. Please don’t worry about us.
After the New Year, I will come to see you again.”
After we did everything, I suddenly felt relieved. I saw sunlight out from the clouds. The baby was wide awake, and she smiled at the sunlight. My back didn’t feel cold anymore.
We said goodbye to our father and went back home.
At the New Year’s Eve dinner, we set up an important seat and a glass of wine for our father.
Throughout the Spring Festival, my daughter was well, and not one of us mentioned the baby’s illness even again.
Since the New Year of that year, my siblings, including me, wouldn’t laugh at Qi when she told supernatural stories.
We humans are too small compared to the universe and nature; our history is too short. We must have a heart of reverence for the universe and the elders who raised us.
We need to respect everything we understand or don’t understand in life!
The world has many mysteries, and we must be open to things we don’t understand.
